All for One and One for All
by Dixie Dewdrop's Graceland
Summary: Super agents can't be perfect all of the time, even if they are the Graceland agents! Please refer to my profile page for the chronology of my Graceland stories.


All for One, and One for All

Assistant Deputy in Charge Clarke regarded the huddled group with annoyance. In turn, they contemplated him in shocked silence.

He enunciated, very slowly and very deliberately, "Let me repeat this so that the six of you harbor no misconceptions about expectations. If you do not bring that gangster Giovanni Brooklet to me with all the bells and whistles within forty eight hours Graceland is finished. You have been warned, coddled, and consulted for the last time, and the FBI, DEA, and ICE expect- hell, Uncle Sam himself expects you to produce results for a change. Six adults here take home six paychecks which for the past six months have certainly not been earned."

ADIC Clarke stood up and slammed a file folder onto the coffee table. "Get to work, or hit the streets for different employment and housing. It's that simple, gang."

Then he left.

Mike's eyes filled and Charlie covered her ears with both hands.

Dale jerked his head wildly from Paul to Paige, spinning in his seat to glance from one to the other.

"Stop!" Johnny yelled, clenching his jaw. "You're making me crazy, Jakes. And Charlie and Mike don't start that sniveling. This is serious now. That dude was mad."

"What's on your mind?" Briggs asked quietly.

Johnny leaned forward and exhaled. "Ok, we've gotta give Big Boss Clarke what he wants. We know where Giovanni is holed up and Clarke's thrown down the gauntlet. Let's do this, boys and girls."

Charlie's eyes widened. "How? Giovanni's got a manmade island and the house is a fortress."

"Don't forget there's a security team," Mike added.

Paige bit the edge of her lip. "It's already too hard. Can't we just surrender outright or give Giovanni a pass?"

"We already did," Paul responded. "I guess that's what the suits are upset about now. We let Giovanni's drug dealing go, then his forgeries, and now his cyber attacks."

"The suits are so pretentious," Dale sympathized. "They need to live in the real world."

"Ok, though, we gotta address this now. Who wants to make the plan?" Charlie asked.

"I! I!" Mike volunteered with excitement, "and I used good grammar as I volunteered."

"That you did," Dale smiled indulgently.

"Sounded crazy," Paul contradicted.

"No," Mike denied. "I was saying that I did, not me did. I's the subject of the sentence."

"That's cool," Johnny affirmed.

Paige motioned for silence. "Get back to business and quit quoting the APA 6th edition guidelines again. This is already stupid."

"Ok, but I get to make the plan," Mike agreed, pointing at her, then the others as he counted, "Eenie, meenie, miney, mo, catch a criminal by the toe. If he hollers, call him bro, eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You're it, Paul."

"I'm it!" Paul confirmed with excitement, his eyes lighting with delight. "I won!"

"Do something about it, then," Johnny ordered. "Make a blueprint to take down the criminal kingpin Giovanni and save our home. I can't afford to lose the FBI's more than generous salary and spectacular benefit package."

Charlie nodded her head, "the dental's the bomb."

"No," Paige contradicted, "the vacation days and sick leave."

Briggs rubbed his chin. "Let me think of our options. Ok, the man lives on an island so we can charter a plane and fly, then land right smack dab by his house."

"Stupid," Paige disputed the idea. "What if we hit the man's house?"

"Good call, Paige. Besides that, no one knows how to pilot a plane," Johnny declared.

"And," Paige chimed in, "we just have cars and trucks parked on the street- no planes."

Charlie pursed her lips. "No way around it- we've gotta go the water route."

Paul recoiled in horror before leaping to his feet. "Have you lost your mind, woman?"

"That was evil," Dale opined, glaring at Charlie. "Still, sit your ass down, Paul. Everyone knows you are rendered immobile by your fear of oceans, your thalassophobia. Have no terror. We'll just leave you on shore and you can collect shells until we get back."

"Thanks, man," Paul sat back down gratefully.

"Pick up a puka for me," Johnny ordered. "I need one more to finish making my bracelet."

"Pick it up with a glove, though," Paige instructed worriedly. "You don't know where that's shell's been and it's probably just rife with germs."

"True," Paul agreed, nodding.

Paige smiled sweetly. "Know what, though? I'll just let you have one of my cans of Lysol and you can sterilize it before it leaves the sand environment."

"So says our little mysophobic," Charlie remarked fondly. "Thanks to Paige's all consuming fear of germs, none of us chew each other's gum anymore, or swallow each other's medications."

"And we're better for it," Mike agreed. "Just look at what models of health sit here."

"Back to the ball game," Briggs interrupted. "Ok, so while I hold down the shoreline, everyone else can use a boat and then storm the island like Normandy or something."

"No, no weapons," Johnny yelled. "You know I freak at guns, man! Have some consideration!"

"Hey, calm down," Mike soothed. "No guns, ok? We'll take the bows and arrows this time. I'll even let you borrow my rawhide quiver for your archery equipment. Hoplophobia deserves our understanding and you never need to doubt that we support you even with your gun phobia."

"Love you, Man," Johnny whimpered, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Back to practicals," Jake announced, reaching for his computer. "Let's pull up some google images from Giovanni's island. With the proper filters we can narrow the search to the past twenty four hours."

The group fell silent for the four seconds it took for hundreds of images to populate the laptop's screen.

Paige and Paul leaned over to check the results.

"Wow, look at Giovanni's wife," Paul whistled appreciatively. "She's hot!"

Charlie glanced at the screen, went rigid with fear, and then scrambled to the back of her seat, obviously terrified. "Get it away from my sight!" she hissed.

Johnny searched her face and murmured, "It's back, Chuck's anthrophobia's rearing its addictive, ugly head. Flowers debilitate her."

Dale slapped his hand against his forehead. "We need Charlie on the island, though. What can we do?"

"Hey, does the petting zoo over on Rivers Street still have that pair of deer?" Johnny asked with excitement.

"It does, yes. Whatcha thinking, John Boy?" Briggs raised his eyebrows.

"Quick fix. Deer eat flowers. Charlie's scared of flowers. We borrow a deer, take him ashore, and then he eats the offenders while we attack the fortress."

Johnny threw up his arms in proud triumph.

"Wouldn't a goat be better?" Mike probed. "I mean, goats eat cans, so they should be able to snatch the flowers right off the stems."

"Both are just chock full of germs," Paige announced with concern. "But for the sake of the forty eight hour deadline, whatever we commandeer I'll douse with hand sanitizer."

"Paige with the save," Briggs called out in the voice of a sportscaster. "Good for you, Chuck? Will that work for you?"

Charlie nodded happily. "So Mike and Johnny are going to go first?"

"Technically, no," Dale explained. "First off of the boat will be the goat and deer, or the goat or the deer which Paige has sanitized ahead of time. We should allow the animals a few minutes to chew through the flowers and foliage. Someone will need to shepherd them, push them towards the most ostentatious beds of flowers to lay waste to the landscaping."

"That should be you," Charlie suggested.

Dale grabbed a handful of dredlocks and responded angrily. "Is this all I mean to you? To any of you? Am I a mockery, just a pretty face, a bimbo? Does my monophobia seem like a joke to you?"

"Dale, calm down," Paige ordered. "You know we were just brainstorming. We would never allow you to be all by yourself with your very real and disturbing fear of being alone or isolated."

Mike patted Dale's leg. "I'll keep you company, buddy."

Jakes nodded in relief. He took a shuddery breath.

"Except," Mike's eyes widened. "Except what if Giovanni attempts to flee, runs into Dale and me, and knocks me unconscious?"

Dale slapped his forehead. "That would destroy the mission right there. Mike simply can not get amnesia."

"Nor can his fear of amnesia surface, control his thoughts, or initiate a nightmare," Paul explicated, "his amnesiphobia must be kept at bay."

The group suddenly quieted, each agent attempting to sort through and address fears for themselves and fears for the others.

Johnny rubbed is temples and broke the silence. "Listen, how are we going to haul Giovanni once we've captured him? The goat and the deer will take up Paul's space in the boat since he's staying on shore. We won't have an extra seat more, though."

"True," Mike nodded.

Paige snapped her fingers. "How clever am I?" She beamed. "We'll have the bows and arrows. All we do is just get a sedative from the vet and knock the goat, the deer, and Giovanni out with arrows tipped with the very same sedative Animal Planet taught us to respect."

Paul cheered. "And Giovanni, I love it! We just shoot him full of that stuff too and he'll go down. Then Mikey won't be worried about amnesia!"

Charlie stood up and held out her arms to include everyone in the expanse. "Are we a team or are we a team? Clarke wants to come in here and act like a badass- we'll show him badasses!"

"We'll keep our jobs," Paige smirked.

Johnny inserted, "and our mansion with a view."

"And our little band of misfits will prevail," Briggs finished.

Everyone clapped enthusiastically, and Dale and Johnny managed to contribute several wolf whistles as they all visibly relaxed.

Problem solved.

Several minutes passed before Mike broke the companionable silence at last. "Wait just a second! What makes us misfits? And who's gonna purchase the bells and whistles Clarke reqested?"


End file.
